Ash Wednesday is the Christian holy day of prayer and fasting. It derives its name from the placing of ashes on the foreheads of church parishioners as they promise to repent of their sins and believe in the Gospel. It also signifies that we are dust and to dust we will return at the end of our days. As Christians show repentance and mourning for their sins, they acknowledge that Christ died for the forgiveness of those sins. So like the cycle of life of the butterfly, Christians walk through their lives with faith, seeking redemption for unforgettable events, and asking for forgiveness for themselves and those they have hurt. As they walk in repentance towards Easter Sunday, they know that Christ is resurrected, and in that resurrection, they are born again, free of what has kept them from achieving what God wants for them, to be His loving children.
On my own reflective journey, I have come to realize that God often brings us back to where we got stuck in order to help us find our way back to joy and the tree of life. God gave birds the ability to fly; He gave us the ability to love. Somehow, when we face real pain and chaos, we seem to think that God isn’t good, that He makes bad things happen to good people. That is not the truth of who He is; He is the God of love. The One who will set us free is His Son, Jesus Christ. He is the way, the truth, and the light. Sometimes, when all we can see is our own pain, we lose sight of the One who created us in His own image, God.
Our lives are often such messes, and as Robin Roberts of ABC News says, “We need to own our messes.” Messes can be wild, crazy, and ugly, but they can also be so beautiful. The bad things, the poisons, in our lives can kill us by themselves, but when combined with the good things, they can heal us. If we focus on the black molasses of our journeys, we can feel like we are sinking in it up to our ears. That’s when I realize that I am not alone; that still, quiet voice of God says, “Be still and know that I am.” I feel His hand on my shoulder, and my plodding feet stop pounding the tympani and become the soft, sweet melodies of a child walking through a new-born field of daisies.
We seek wisdom for our lives, and we judge those who have hurt us. We judge everything from others’ actions and motivations to their race, color, gender, creed, financial success, and religion. We judge others’ ways as though our way is the only way, as though we are a god. But there is only one God, and we are not Him. In His loving way, God sends us tears so that we can forgive ourselves, and in that shower of love, we can forgive others. Wisdom comes when we realize it is not our responsibility to judge others; only God can do that. As our Heavenly Father, God loves us despite the pain that we cause Him.
For many people, forgiveness cannot occur until they realize that their hurt began with someone else’s past, quite possibly someone they love. Faith does carry us through our lives, but some people get stuck on the words, “I can’t” or “I won’t.” I have faced such times, but then God allows me to see a more beautiful scene where a good relationship develops because I say, “I forgive you.” For me, these scenes often occur during dreams that set me free to explore new ways to relate to others. No matter which words I chose to say, I have felt God by my side. The wisdom I have gained in these settings is that my life remains stuck in the black molasses until I say, “I forgive you.”
On this Ash Wednesday with COVID-19 as a back drop, I thank God for the beautiful messes of my life, the beautiful showers of cleansing tears, and the pains that have affected my life’s journey, for it is in the abundance of unforgettable events and the love of my Heavenly Father that I have grown a beautiful tree of life. Every act of kindness and love that I do to counter the darkness of our world really matters. Every smile, every “thank you,” and every “I forgive you” makes my world and the worlds of others more beautiful. Every time I have doubted that God was present, He has reminded me with His still, quiet voice, “Be still and know that I am.” As I walk through this Lenten season, I will see in the distance a cross on a hill where my Savior died and a tomb where He was resurrected from on Easter morning. My sins are forgiven, and there is a beautifully lit path to my Eternal home.
Anna Hartt
