Today, I would like to pose questions to God. In these difficult times of COVID, mental illness, isolationism, racism, hatred, police brutality, violence, sexism, wars, religious tensions, and economic upheaval, why, when You talk to us, do all our previous thoughts go out the window in fuzziness? Everyone has their own journey, but there is only one path, God’s path. Man can build tall sky scrapers on almost no foundation, but only with Your hope and encouragement can we know those buildings will stand tall despite the earth shaking.
Why do bad things happen to good people? Is it because You gave us free will, and we don’t always make good decisions? I am sure that with every choice I have made, there have been consequences, some good and some bad. My prayers don’t always get answered when I want them to, but I know that You always come to my side when I call You. Why does the world’s population seemingly need to physically shake Your hand to know You are real? It’s hard to see You in the midst of all our problems. Why can’t we see You on the front pages of our newspapers, or in social media, or in the news media?
I understand that salvation is for every human being and in their souls at the end of their lives. We all want to go to heaven but not all of us are going to get in. Is faith all I need to get into heaven? I guess if I look at how You might feel about the world You created, knowing everything, everyone, and every event that we will experience, You might be crying more than laughing. Does everything we do hurt You? Are You concerned about our morality, our inability to love one another, and how we take our free will for granted? Why do we feel that we can handle our problems without You? If there is one thing I have learned from the past two years, it’s that I can’t do anything without You. I believe my faith will carry me through to the other side, but there are many who are spiraling downward as the world’s problems continue to explode around them, who are suffering from PTSD, and who have no faith, hope, or love.
If You told me that today was my last day on earth, I would live it as if it was. How many of Your children would bargain with You for one more day? I know that You have been watching me since I took my first breath; with my parents’ guidance and prayers, I know that my salvation is not a burden. It’s a gift from You that I have tried to be worthy of. You are judging me every day, but those judgments have helped me make better choices, to do more for others, and to make the best use of my short life-time here. You have kept me safe, and Your love has sustained me through so many situations.
I believe my questions are being answered right now in the arches of my pen, the thoughts of my questing mind, and the way You have led me through my life. I know You want us to look to each other for miracles, but sometimes, I must realize the miracles can be found in me. In forgiving others, we receive forgiveness. In treating others like I would want to be treated, I see Your unconditional love and grace. I realize that having faith means that I must believe. In that belief, I have found a home in Your arms, a place to lay my head, clothing and food to survive, a roof over my head, relatively good health, and with Your will, enough financial security to finish my days on earth. Thank you, Lord, for being my Father, one who has never left me and never will.
Anna Hartt
