There is a relatively new adage: “You are born into a family, but you get to choose your family of friends.” Proverbs 17:17 (KJV) says, “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Families may not be able to help you like your friends can, because your friends aren’t your blood-family members. Friends often can see more clearly through situations and may do things better because they aren’t a part of your family. No one can walk through every burden alone, even if you are the strongest person in the world.
There are moments of vulnerability when we absolutely need a helping hand, a kind reassuring word, or a gentle affirming hug. Our private struggles often are when we need our friends to show up for us, not with brass bands but with the soft, calming lilt of a flute. You’ve probably heard the adage, “a stitch in time saves nine,” but I think when our friends show up, whether on our door step or by calling over hundreds of miles to our ears, that is when those stitches in time become the bold embroidery of our lives.
I often search for thoughts that support who I am. After her pancreatic cancer diagnosis, opera star, Marilyn Horne, said, “I will live,’ not that ‘I hope I live,’ or ‘I want to live,’ but ‘I will live.'” (Dinners with Ruth by Nina Totenberg) I want to make the most of whatever time God has granted me; His love and forgiveness push me to be the best Christian I can possibly be. I have close friends, but one is particularly special. She is precious and always shows up for me to offer support and help. Her loving gestures are not always grand but always quietly loving. All of her kindnesses add up to a bountiful basket of compassion, respect, and caring. Her friendship softens my highs and lows, and she rejoices in my hopes and dreams.
When I was being questioned by the medical team who would do my husband’s liver transplant, she knew what questions to ask as I froze in fear. When I didn’t know where to turn when my father made his life style change, she drove with me to western Pennsylvania to speak to him about his choice. She hugged me when we said, “Good-bye,” when I knew I needed “new land to discover” after my second husband died. All the tears in the ocean were felt in that loving hug. She offered a listening ear when I recently sought to move back home after fifteen years in this “new land of discovery” and determined the move was financially impossible. She offers a bed to rest my head on when I fly home and is always looking out for me as I make decisions for my life. And even though we are not “blood sisters,” I consider her to be my sister.
Who is this loving person? Her name is Patricia. She and her husband provided me with a “family” when I divorced my first husband and made me feel like I could find new relationships after him and losing my only child. She took my loneliness and made me feel like I could build another life, not meekly but strongly. There are no boundaries for our sisterhood; there is no better way to reach out your hand than to be a special friend. As many of us learned during COVID, the isolation defined what our friendships truly meant to us. There was power in loving friendships because that power helped us to believe that life would get better. So with the love which I can never re-pay, I say, “Thank you, Patty, for being with me when I needed you the most.”
Anna Hartt
