There is an adage, “If you want rainbows in your life, you must be willing to accept the accompanying pain.”  As I reflect on my life, I have come to realize that my life didn’t stop because of my disabilities.  Rest assured, we all have disabilities, maybe not physical or emotional ones, but disabilities none the less.  Life continues on despite the races we want to win; many of those races are lost in the first turn or with the first detour.  My dreams were not just what I wanted; they were what I wanted them to look like.  When my wings got clipped in pain and that pain remained unresolved, I turned away from the One who made me, the One who truly loved me.

I denied the truths of my life, and I became jaded to the real beauties that have always colored my world.  I prided myself in my ability to talk my way through problems. Finally, I listened to God, and I received the wisdom necessary to build an abundant life.  “You do not find the truth; the truth finds you.” (St. Ambrosius)  In trying to be the strong one, my strength didn’t always correctly direct my behaviors; there was no place for love.  When a rainbow appeared in a dream, I found that love in God, and God was in me.

I have always chased after the rainbows, even if they were out of reach.  I felt God’s tears on my face and my eyes saw hope, grace, and love in everything I attempted.  He, alone, opened my eyes to the peace that passes all understanding.  My scars became bridges to others, and the bridges were my pathway to spiritual growth, the likes of which I have never felt before.  Jesus Christ’s scars on the cross became my bridge to God.  So when people hurt me, I looked on that cross and saw His forgiveness.  I saw what I have been looking for all my life: love.  By gaining the freedom His love has given me, I can give it to others, not just in small amounts but enough for everyone and everything around me.  He revealed my purpose in life: to unconditionally love.

We don’t have all the answers to life, but one thing has become clear to me.  It’s O.K. to chase the rainbows as long as you cherish the time in the rain.  As we look deep within ourselves and let our hearts be our guides, there’s a special gift that we’ll find when we keep believing in the light, God’s light.  Your eyes will see the answers, and you’ll finally understand that the rain plus the rainbows are really lessons to be learned and cherished.

Anna Hartt