“Glory to God in the Highest and goodwill towards men!”  Those words were really on my mind this Christmas Eve as I tried to put my sadness up on the shelf, out of the way, in order to let that peace find its way into my soul.  I don’t believe I’ve ever been this sad on any occasion, but the events of this past year seem to keep drawing my tears in puddles around my feet.  Four very powerful events have helped me to realize that the light of Jesus Christ is all I really need to feel more like myself.

I was privileged to watch a beautiful Christmas Eve service on You-Tube from Trinity Lutheran Church in Riverside, California, but the tears came again as the pastor spoke about how people, the world over, have been trying to cope with the loss of life and the effects of social isolation that COVID-19 has placed all of us in.  His words offered hope and peace and a prayer for all of us to open our hearts as we never have before to the possibility that Jesus Christ is the light we need to find our way.  He is the answer, and He has been with us, even as we have said good-bye to loved ones and friends.

It wasn’t until Monday night that I found more comfort in the words of “The Hallelujah Chorus” and could honestly say there is healing in hearing the 1000 member virtual choir, MSO, and the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra masterfully perform that piece of hope, joy, and peace.  It was the 80th anniversary of these groups performing together; they weren’t letting the pandemic control their musical spirits.  So why should I?  I declared that very moment to never again let my sadness overwhelm the musical talents that God has given to me.  I can seek healing every time I sing and play, and God will hear my cries and dry my tears.

There were also two sermons given by Rev. Patrick L. Keyser and the Right Rev. Mariann Elgar-Budde at the Washington National Cathedral on December 27, 2020.  Both of these ministers gave comforting sermons of joy, hope, peace, and love, things I have been seeking from my own minister but have not received since the pandemic began.

As I listened to Rev. Keyser, his words pulled me into the light, making me realize there have been moments of grace throughout this past year, moments when the light shone through the darkness.  God made us to be creatures of connection, the very thing we cannot do right now.  On Christmas Eve, the Word became flesh, and He walks among us, even now in all of our struggles.  God made himself like us so that we might more fully understand Him.  There are no limits to the love that God wants to show us.  He is with us, Immanuel; He will seek us out in order to reveal Himself to us.  The minister’s words reached into my heart with hope and helped me see the light of Christ through the murky tunnel of the next months.

I knew I must listen to the words of the Right Rev. Mariann Elgar-Budde, the bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, D.C., because she was the minister who stood up to President Trump when he tried to use her church for a publicity stunt and his own personal gains in July.  I now know how Trump got elected, but I will seek wisdom for my anger over his uncaring behaviors and attitudes.  I will “let go and let God;” He alone is responsible for judging the president.

Rev. Elgar-Budde began her sermon with, “You are not alone.  God is with us.”  Even though we cannot be together this Christmas, we are bound by the love of Jesus Christ, born on this night.  Christ will not be overcome by the darkness.  We should be crying tears of grief, rage, fear, anger, and loneliness just as the angels cried at Christ’s birth, through his life, and at the cross.  The minister continued to ask us to sing with voices of joy, to see with eyes filled with wisdom and understanding, and to love with hearts shining God’s love.  In seeking the knowledge of God, look no further than the manger and the cross.  God loves us so much that He willingly gave His Son for us.  God is with us when we break down, when we cry, and when we rise up.  The most amazing thing will happen when we rise up.  We will know what to do, and we will walk in the light of Jesus Christ.  In the past months, God has been with us, and He is with us today.  Through all our tears, God’s light has been shining through the loving good works and words of all decent human beings.  So cry your tears, cry them abundantly, cry rivers of sadness, joy, and love, for it is in those tears that we will see the awesome power of our heavenly Father and know that we are in this struggle together, not alone.

I felt calmer and more confident after these amazing events, and I know that God will be by my side as I walk this uncertain path towards wholeness once again.  The sadness will fade as we begin to get this disease under control, and my tears will be dried by the love of Jesus Christ.  I will rise up at the end of my path and see the beauty of my Father’s face.  All that has occurred in the past will be overcome by Christ’s light, because He lives in each and everyone of us.

Anna Hartt